


Him

by nathanwathan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathanwathan/pseuds/nathanwathan
Summary: Yixing has always found a way to hide his emotions, even if it meant being harmed. He always successfully kept his feelings from others.If he was so good at doing so, then why is he so different...





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I wanted to try my hand at writing fanfiction. This is my first one that I have written about two idols and not two OC's so any helpful criticism is welcome. I am in no way a good writer but I've been told that I'm at least decent so lets hope it's true. This fanfiction doesn't have a clear plot yet but I have a vague idea of what I want the story line to be. Any suggestions are welcome!!

'I want to stop feeling.' This is the only thing on Yixings mind as he makes his way down the dark street, the cold air causing his breath to make white clouds in front of his face. He doesn't usually go out to drink but this occasion was slightly special, albeit depressing. As usual, when he was in a bad mood, instead of talking about it and burdening others, he just shut it all in and dealt with it alone. This situation was no different.

He looks up at the dark and starless sky and laughs, it's humorless and sad. This march to the euphoric state of forgetfulness he craves seems to take longer the more he does it. Of course, he always reaches his destination, without fail, his heart having sunk as low as it can with the thought of what his friends and family would think of his soon to be actions and the weight of why he was there. The regret he feels after a night like this always weighs him down but it is much more appealing than the other option he has explored already. Although, for a time, he had let himself slip into the belief that it was the only way to feel better. The soft, slightly shiny, stripes on his wrists were evidence enough.

Every time he made it to this point, the reason was always different. Whether it be a bad break up, the death of a friend or family member or just his own insecurities and anxiety getting the best of him, he always ended up in the same place. All the different times he ended up in this situation it never failed to seem like it was another chapter in the fucked up book that he called his life. The author was a heartless bastard that enjoyed making him happy and then throwing obstacles in his way just to watch him suffer and cry out in agony.

He feels himself sigh heavily at the closed sign on the front of the bar. This is the very place that always lifted his sadness, if just for a little while, and made him float in the beautiful feeling of forgetting everything. Yixing runs a hand through his hair, contemplating what to do. He could always find a different bar but it wouldn't be the same. He knew the bartender at this bar, so the idea of going to a different one repulsed him. Although if he didn't go, he would end up unloading his problems on one of his friends or having an unwanted relapse, which is something he couldn't let happen.

He continues down the street, his hope of finding a place good enough diminishing with each step. Just as he is about to give up he comes upon a place that seems like it’s what he’s looking for.  
'WY Library Bar'  
Hmm...it sounds decent enough and he doesn't really feel like walking any farther to find a different bar. The outside looks pretty interesting and reminds him of old time New Orleans with a balcony far above him. Through the open glass doors of the balcony he can hear soft music. It isn't techno so that's reassuring. He approaches the door, it looks more like the entrance to a home rather than a bar. Yixing hesitates, his hand hovers the handle for just a moment.

After the moment ends and his senses catch up with him, he turns the handle, pushing it open. The first thing he notes is the small number of people and the smell of old books. It was a strange bar, that's for sure.

As Yixing walks farther in, he notices that the few people that were there seemed rather relaxed about everything. The people dancing weren't grinding wildly, and even the DJ seemed chill about the music he was playing. He found it slightly alluring. This is what Yixing needed, a place to relax.

Of course, his happy thoughts only lasted to get him in the door before crumbling under the pressure of his negativity. Words like worthless, hated, unwanted, and weak made their way through his mind wrapping their black fingers around his heart so tight he could physically feel the pain. He pushes the thoughts aside and approaches the bar, taking a seat near the end, far from anyone else. 

He takes a few deep breathes, resting his head in his hands. Yixing sits like this for a few minutes before a voice pulls him back to reality. "Hello sir, I'm going to need to see your ID." the voice is soft with an undertone of masculinity that makes a shiver run up his spine. He sits up a little, shaking the feeling off, and looks up at the person that spoke to him. Yet again, he feels a chill, the man in front of him has soft but obviously masculine features that give off a gentle but firm vibe. He starts rerunning the sound of that voice in his mind and it makes him smile. It isn't until the man in front of him clears his throat that he realizes what he said. "Oh, sorry, of course, one moment." he says quickly, trying not to sound flustered.

He quickly gets out his wallet and hands him his ID. The bartender looks at it, and a small smirk appears on his face. "Zhang Yixing, that's a nice name." he says nonchalantly and Yixing is unable to tell if he's joking or being serious. "Um...thank you....." he trails off, looking at his name tag quickly before finishing. "..Kris."

The man, whom he now knows as Kris, chuckles before speaking. "What would you like to drink Mr. Zhang?"  
Normally, being called Mr. Zhang wouldn't bother him but coming from this man, it sounded too formal. "Some tequila, if you would, Kris. Also, call me Lay, please."

Kris smiles, a smile that is gentle and happy. "Of course, Lay."


	2. Unforseen Messiah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a note, this chapter contains a bit of sexual assault. It isn't extreme but I know some people may be bothered by it and I apologize. I hope you can still enjoy the chapter despite the dark nature of it.

Several drinks later, Yixing was successfully inebriated. He was to the point where he was slightly hitting on the bartender which was obviously making the man uncomfortable but Yixing was too far gone to notice or care. The entire night, his mind is filled with the name Kris and he wonders what the man's true name is. He, drunk, asks him this, his words slightly slurred and slow. "Hey, Kris...I like that name, I was wondering, what's your real name?"

At this, Kris tenses just a tiny bit, shaking it off quickly and smiling. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to tell you, it's against job rules." Yixing frowns a tiny bit and stands up, steadying himself on the bar for a second before speaking. "I'm gonna go dance, Mr. Kris." He turns as quickly as his drunken legs will let him and walks out onto the dance floor. The music that was chill had sped up a bit in the time he had spent getting hammered. Now, the people on the floor were more enthusiastic and had seemed to let go. The adrenaline of being surrounded by other people hits him like an electric shock and he begins dancing, if you could call it that. It was more like random movements that served no purpose other than to make him sweat and to touch other people.

He begins to feel rather hot and unbuttons one or two buttons on his shirt, relishing in the cool air that he can now feel. At some point, he starts dancing with someone, although he isn't quite clear who it is. He foggily realizes that he and his dance partner are moving closer to the wall, a slight alarm goes off in his brain but it's soon muffled by his need to let go. He allows the other person, a man from what he sees, push him against the wall. Yixing supposes it's just a joke and smiles, laughing a little before putting a hand on the guys’ shoulder. "Hey, thanks for the dance. I'm gonna go cool off for a bit."

He starts to move away from the guy and feels a hand grab his forearm. Being so far gone, he doesn't think anything of it and just pulls his arm to get out of his grasp, expecting the guy to let go with a laugh. To Yixings slight surprise, the guy tightens his grip and his other hand forces Yixing against the wall. The guy starts roughly biting his collarbone and the cloudiness of the alcohol mixes with fear, causing him to panic. Yixing is about to call out but the guy’s hand envelops his mouth, successfully muting him. He closes his eyes, not wanting to be alive any longer. His thoughts begin to turn against him, as they always do. This is all his fault, if he wasn't such an idiot he wouldn't find himself being sexually assaulted.

The guys hand, the one not covering his mouth, starts traveling downward and Yixing has to keep himself from having a panic attack. Of course, his body reacts to the physical feelings and he hates himself for it. Soon enough, the guy has his hand in his pants and Yixing is crying, tears streaming down his face through his closed eyelids.  
Suddenly, the guy is gone, his mouth is no longer covered and he can move away from the wall. He slowly opens his eyes and is surprised to see Kris pulling the guy off of the dance floor, towards the exit.

Yixing can feel everyone looking at him and he starts to panic again. He runs to the bathroom, locking himself in a stall. He leans against the wall, letting himself sink to the ground, a fresh wave of tears forcing their way out, leaving burning trails of regret and hate on his face. His sobs force their way out, making his entire body shake with the effort of holding them back.

He jumps a little when he hears a soft voice outside of his stall. He recognizes the voice as Kris. "Hey, are you alright?" Normally, at this point, Yixing would straighten himself out, dry off his face and say, with as much confidence as he could, that he was fine. However, in this instance, that wasn't possible. The soft sound of Kris's worried breathing outside of the stall made everything different. Instead, he stands and opens the door, his head down and his voice quiet. "No, no, I'm not alright, Kris. I'm a weakling and my stupidity caused me to be taken advantage of. It's all my fau-"

Yixing is cut off by the feeling of strong arms around him. He freezes for a moment, taken by surprise, before giving in, putting most of his weight on Kris and sinking into his comforting warmth. He starts crying again, not holding back this time. They stay this way until Yixings sobs subside and Kris puts his hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes.

"It is in no way your fault, Lay. Now, fix yourself up a bit, I'll be right back, I'm going to take you home." This causes Yixing to look down at himself and he sighs while looking at the state he's in. His pants are unzipped, his shirt has several more buttons undone and he doesn't even want to think about how his hair must look. He nods and Kris walks out of the bathroom. Yixing walks to the mirror and sighs once more, zipping his pants and buttoning his shirt. He takes a good look at himself, scanning the bruises on his collarbone before turning on the faucet. He gets his hands wet and runs them through his hair, smoothing it back. He takes a few deep breaths, feeling his panic and sadness from earlier fade away.

"You're ok Lay. Just let Kris take you home and stay calm." He says quietly to himself as he dries his hands off. Usually the idea of letting a complete stranger take him home would set off quite a few alarms, Kris felt different, safer. A few minutes later, Kris comes back into the bathroom. "Ready?" Yixing nods and jumps a tiny bit when Kris takes his hand as they exit the bathroom. Kris acts as a sort of bodyguard while they make their way through the crowd towards the front door, making sure no one gets too close to him. He smiles, letting out a relieved sigh as they finally make it outside. "Ok, so where's your car?" Kris asks, catching Yixing off guard and making his brief relief turn into slight embarrassment. His smile slips away into an uneasy expression and his face heats up as he answers, his voice quiet. "I walked here..." Kris gives him a surprised look before shaking his head a tiny bit. "In this weather? That's not good, you have to take care of yourself ok? We'll take my car then." Kris, having not let go of his hand, pulls him to his car and makes sure he's in before getting in himself. He reaches over Yixing and puts his seat-belt on for him before putting on his own. Yixing feels himself shiver slightly at the proximity but if Kris notices he doesn't comment on it. The car ride is quiet and awkward, the radio is off and the only time they speak is when Kris asks for the next direction. They reach Yixings house much too soon and he hesitates to get out of the car. Kris notices this and turns to him. "Well, stay safe and don't go walking in cold weather without a coat ok? You're going to be super hungover tomorrow so eat before you go to bed and drink lots of water in the morning. I don't normally do this but if you need anything give me a call ok?" Yixing stays quiet, too surprised to form a coherent response as Kris writes on a piece of paper and presses it into his hand. He nods, finally able to speak. "Yes, thank you Kris." He gets out of the car and with one last little wave, Kris is gone. Yixing lets out a sigh, unable to believe what just happened. He unfolds the paper in his hands and a small smile forms on his face. "Wu Yifan - xxx-xxx-xxxx"


	3. Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, sorry it's been so long since my last update! I honestly forgot about this fic because I got so busy with doing college stuff and getting a job. it also might be in part because of the fact that I like to write at least 1000 words each chapter. hopefully I can start writing more and updating often! feedback and suggestions are welcome!!! also wow i love this chapter even though it's feels kinda rushed, i think it's cute because kgelfjasfla wowie i'm tooting my own horn whoops!

Booming pain is the first think Yixing feels when he wakes up. He opens his eyes and it feels like they are going to pop out of his head at any moment. He has been hungover before but it has never been this bad so soon after waking up. He starts to sit up, forgetting to go slowly, and immediately jumps up, running to the bathroom as the familiar lurching feeling overtakes him. He barely manages to get the toilet seat up before he starts heaving. He had eaten something last night, as per Kris' instructions, so at least there was something there to throw up and not just bile. After what felt like forever, he finally stops heaving and sits back, leaning on the wall. His breathing is heavy and ragged, the taste of bile strong in his mouth. Yixing puts a hand on his counter to steady himself as he begins to stand up. He makes it to his feet and opens his cabinet, looking for the aspirin. "Fuck." He curses out loud as he sees that he is all out. Yixing knows that he won't be able to handle going outside. He lets himself slide down the wall to a sitting position, putting his hands in his pockets and sighing in resignation. He is slightly surprised when he feels a small piece of paper in his pocket and he pulls it out, smiling at the memory. Of course, he doesn't want to call Kris and have him see him like this but it was unavoidable. Yixing sighs again and stands up, leaning on the counter for a second before walking out of the room at a slow pace. He walks to his bed side table and picks up his phone, unfolding the piece of paper and dialing the number on it. He feels his stomach tighten in apprehension as the phone rings and nearly jumps when it is finally answered.

"Hello?" he hears the familiar voice and it gives him the same shivers it did the first time he heard it. He clears his throat a tiny bit before answering. "Hello, Kris? It's Lay, from the bar?" "Oh, hey! Whats up?" Kris answers, his voice a soothing sound to Yixing's pounding head. "Uh, you had said to call you if I needed anything and well... I don't have any aspirin and I can't exactly leave the house right now..." He trails off, embarrassed at how helpless he sounds. He is slightly caught off guard as Kris chuckles, the sound is deep and reverberates through Yixings chest through the phone. "Alright, I'll be over in about 10 minutes?" "Yeah, that's good." Yixing answers a bit too quickly to come off as casual and scolds himself silently. Kris chuckles again and says his goodbye, hanging up while still laughing. Yixing sighs and shakes his head at himself. Ok, he has ten minutes to get his shit together before an attractive guy shows up to take care of his dumb ass. He makes his way to the kitchen slowly, not wanting to get sick again. He opens the fridge and downs two water bottles before taking a third and walking back to his bedroom. He calls his work, talking to the manager for a few minutes about why he can't come in to work today, obviously not telling him he's hungover. After that he enters the bathroom yet again and gets into the shower without bothering to take his clothes off. He turns on the cold water and lets it run over his body as he sits down and begins to take his clothes off. He doesn't bother putting his clothes outside of the shower and once he's fully naked he leans back and shuts his eyes.

He eventually falls asleep because the next thing he knows he hears a voice. "Hey, are you in there?" He recognizes the voice in an instant and snaps awake. "Yes, I'm in here. Sorry, I didn't hear you knock or anything, I'll be right out."

'Shit shit shit' He thinks to himself as he tries to get up, his legs not wanting to cooperate. He finally stands and tries to hold himself up as he steps over the bathtub but his legs give out and he finds himself moving swiftly towards the floor. He lands with a thud and groans as he feels his stomach lurch with the need to get sick again. He hears Kris outside. "Do you want me to help you?" Without thinking he answers. "Yes, please." It isn't until he hears the door open and feels Kris' hands on his bare skin that he remembers he's naked. He is going to apologize for being naked but the lurching feeling returns, stronger this time and he hurries to position himself in front of the toilet. Kris rubs small circles on his back as he spits up bile, his stomach now empty. After he's done Kris helps him stand and leads him to his bed before getting him a towel. Yixing quickly covers himself up with it, his face a bright crimson. "Uh, sorry about that. My legs weren't working for some reason." Kris waves off his apology with a smile. "It's all good. Don't worry about it."

Yixing notices a plastic bag on his bedside table and grabs it, looking inside to see different types of light foods, aspirin, and various other hangover type remedies. "You didn't have to bring all of this." He looks up at Kris and is slightly surprised to see a shy look on his face as he rubs his neck. "Yeah, but I figured you would need it, you sounded like shit over the phone." Yixing sighs at himself a tiny bit and looks at Kris. "Thanks, honestly. I really appreciate it." Kris nods a little, his slightly crooked smile making Yixing melt into a smile as well. The relief he sees on Kris' face is comforting and he starts feeling a bit better. "I think I'll get dressed now." Kris nods, blushing a tiny bit before excusing himself and leaving him to get dressed.

Yixing feels a warmth settle in his chest and he smiles to himself.


End file.
